The last dream you remember?

It kind of wasn’t a dream. It was more like a nightmare. I brought a new car and I got it lowered. I was having a nightmare that I was meant to be picking up my cousin from the airport. We were meant to driving down to Lennox the next day and I was dreaming that I couldn’t get out of the driveway or over the speed bumps. I was freaking out, but it was all good. Maybe I shouldn’t have got it lowered.

The last impure thoughts you had?

I wanted to bash my sisters (Kirby 18) boyfriend. I thought he was nice at first but he was a Jerk to her. I should have bashed him.  I can’t get into it but he messed her round real bad. Should of bashed him for sure.

The worst insult you’ve received?

I was at a contest running out for my heat and the chick over the microphone calls out ‘Owen Wilson’s up next”.  I looked up at the judge booth and she was like, “Oh sorry I don’t know how I got that mixed up…Owen Wright is definitely not as good looking and probably half as funny”. Bitch.

Motto to live your life by

Be the best person you can be. Maybe a boring answer but a good one I reckon.

The person you most respect?

My mum and dad.  They’ve been through a lot and I’ve learnt a lot from them.  They’ve learnt a lot in life that they pass onto me and I’m pretty thankful for that.

What do you dislike about yourself?

I’m so fucking skinny. When I turn sideways I disappear. I definitely have to put on some more weight.

What do you enjoy most about yourself?

The fact that I get to travel and surf for a living.  And the now that I’ve made the Tour the waves I’ll get to surf should probably pretty good. No more slop.

The most obscure idea you have had?

Well cause I’m injured I haven’t been surfing much. I’ve been sitting around by myself and thinking a lot. I was watching some ants and I noticed how they just always stay in line. They never go out of place, just following the same line.  I just thought about humans and I was like, Shit, we’re just the same as ants.  We always just follow the same track no matter what.  I was sitting there just tripping out about it. No weed. Just straight up tripping in general.

The worst event in the history of the world?

In the history that I can remember I would have to say the whole 9/11 thing. That was pretty bad, especially for the Seppos. So many people were killed. They were Jumping out of buildings to escape being burnt alive. That’s messed up.

Who is the person you hate most in the world? Why?

I really don’t hate anyone. I don’t even really dislike anyone, stuff just doesn’t bother me. I hate when people knock me out in heats, but I don’t hate my opponent, I hate myself for getting knocked out.  I’m a nice guy.

Thoughts on rumours that you threw the Search event on purpose?

It’s pretty funny.  I don’t know how that even came about. It’s ridiculous.  But If people were thinking I was going to beat Mick thats great. I mean he’s a pretty serious competitor and he was on a roll.  Then I got injured and missed the next three highest rated QS event, and I still haven’t surfed yet (December 09).

Kill a baby with your bare hands or drop a bomb on Iraq?

I don’t think I could kill a baby with my bare hands but I’m not going to say drop a bomb on Iraq. Plus there are heaps of babies in Iraq anyway. I don’t think I could a kill a baby with anything. Not a gun or a knife. Nothing. It ain’t cool to kill babies.

What is your ultimate sexual fantasy?

Miranda Kerr from Victoria secret and Rachel Finch. The chick that won Miss Australia.  I’d have them walking around in front of me in lingerie and then we’d get down to some of the good stuff.

Have consensual sex with a retarded girl or never win a world title?

If someone was like, “Ok, all you have to do is have sex with this retarded girl and you’ll win a world title”, then I don’t think I would do it.  Even if the girl was down for it I don’t think I would do it just for a world title. A blowjob from a retarded girl in exchange for a world title would not even be worth it. No way.  This is just cruel.

What do you hate most about competitive surfing?

Sometimes you need the smallest score and you just can’t get it.  The ocean will go deadflat. I guess Mother Nature is a bitch, but other times she’s sick.  I reckon the judges do a pretty good job. Think of all the events they do, they must get sick of the same stuff.  A lot of it is in really bad waves and the difference between the scores can be so small.  That’s the worst for the surfers and judges.

Rip Curl seem to have slated for competition. Would you rather just freesurf?

In previous years I’ve never done much in the way of competing, only eight comps a year. This year I’ve done like 20 comps. All the juniors and a few QSs. I do love comps and I do love free surfing so it’s hard to pick between the two.  Next year I’ll be competing in the World Tour Events and Rip Curl has a fair few search trips happening so I’m pretty excited for that. Hopefully I’ll get the best of both worlds.  And on the Rebel Tour Front, I personally think it’s all over.

There is a lot of hype about the Modern Collective. What are your thoughts? Jamie O referred to them as ‘Boys 2 Men’ On Twitter. Do you think it is warranted?

From what I’ve heard the movie is pretty sick. All those guys are ripping.  It’s going to change things up in the surf world for sure.  The boys are all cool.

What are your thoughts on the current state of the surf media (Stab included)?

Yeah I think it’s all pretty good.  There are mags out there for everyone that cover all the different stuff in surfing.  It would be pretty boring if everything was the same. You guys ask some pretty weird questions but that’s what you do. It’s all good.

Ice. Vikings. Bjork. Ice. Not much else comes to mind about Iceland, a tiny country shrouded in mystique that lies further north than you would ever want to go.  A few years ago if you asked anyone about Icelandic snowboarding, chances are you’d be met with a blank stare as tumble weeds blew past. Until now.  Eiki and Halldór Helgason have stormed onto the scene with critical acclaim and put Iceland on the snowboard map.  Never mind the fact they were virtually unknown and come from a country with no parks – These bros are the real deal.

The story of 22 year old eldest brother, Eiki’s, discovery can be best described as every punk snowboard kids dream.  The Rome Snowboard team was dispatched to Iceland to investigate rumors of a frozen rail rich paradise.  They needed to acquire a guide and as an aspiring young shredder, Eiki was in the right place at the right time.  “They saw me riding and got super stoked”, he explains.  When the team flew out weeks later, they left Eiki with a sponsor deal and the wheels were in motion. He scored the ending part in the acclaimed ‘No Correct Way’ and it was only a matter of time before Halldór, 18, followed suit.  “I got really inspired by my brother. I wanted to be on the same level as him. Then he got hooked up with sponsors and I realized it would be possible to live on snowboarding”, he says.  Both eventually shipped out to the states and a slew of epic video parts and prestigious industry awards confirmed the arrival of Iceland’s first pro riders.

Both Helgason’s explain that growing up in Iceland was a “super chill mix of skating, snowboarding and friends” – A youth not dissimilar to any other country in the world.  “Snowboarding was super popular back in the day, but then it died out. It was like a big trendy thing” says Eiki.  “For a while it was just me, my brother and a few friends riding. People would laugh at us and tell us we were out of fashion”.  Similarly the Iceland media pays little attention to snowboarding.  “Snowboarding is so small. People don’t really know so much about it. The papers and media don’t really care. Even skiers that suck and come last get mentioned in the papers”, Halldór explains resentfully.

Being ignored in favor of lyric wearing ski racers and riding even when it’s not ‘trendy’ are issues that most of the international shred community have at some stage encountered. However, the main issue for snowboarders growing up Iceland is the nation’s lack of parks.  Which begs the question, how have these two humble riders managed to blow up over so many of their Euro/US counterparts when they come from a country that doesn’t even remotely cater to freestyle snowboarding?

Well, that’s just it – coming from country with no pipe cutters or perfect set-ups has given them the ultimate advantage. As Halldór says, “Not having parks sucked, but we just hit everything we could”.  Essentially they skipped straight to the hard stuff and it was handrails and creative jibs from day one.  The creativity and fearlessness that characterizes their riding is a byproduct of just having fun in their urban environment.  Did he realize at the time that bypassing the park and scoping out new features around town would give them such an advantage? “I never really thought about it… We just made the best of what we had and tried to copy JP Walker the old Forum videos”, he replies.

Although modest when asked, it’s evident that their exploits are inspiring the next generation of Icelandic shredders.  Up until a few years ago snowboarding had all but died out in Iceland, but now it’s back strong explains Eiki.  “Right now there are tones of young kids who are coming up in Iceland. They are all super good on rails. It’s good to see. Last year we rocked up to film a rail and there was another crew filming there. It had never happened before”. Foundations for the first parks are also being laid and the snowboard media are publishing more articles on a country that is emerging as an urban shredder’s wet dream.

When questioned about the future and what motivates them, it’s clear they are in it for all the right reasons.  “I’m not that into competing and the Olympics doesn’t interest me. I’ll just keep filming and doing my own thing”, offers Halldór.  “I want to keep doing what I’m doing. Snowboarding, making video parts and chilling”, says Eiki. “Even if I lost my sponsors I’d still be doing exactly the same thing.  I guess I’d just have to work a real job in-between”, he jokes. Fortunately with skills like theirs it isn’t likely you’ll see these brothers stacking shelves or flipping burgers anytime soon.

Follow the Helgason’s shredding adventures on www.helgasons.com


This interview will appear in the February issue of StabMag

The last time you lied?
At the airport when I was trying to get home.  The lady at check in wasn’t being very helpful. I fed her some story about my family already going through. She didn’t buy it. I always lie about how many boards I have as well.  It’s all lies at the airport.

The thing you are most ashamed of?
The last time when I was at Pipe it was super crowded. It was crazy with one hundred guys in the same spot.  I didn’t get as many waves as I wanted. I felt bad I didn’t get more.  It’s so competitive and there is not a lot of waves coming through. I sometimes felt like “What am I doing here”, but when I got a waves it was all worth it.

The drunkest you’ve been?
Five days ago. I just broke up with my girlfriend. I started around 4pm by myself. I went to the beach with 12 beers and then drank a whole bottle of rum. It was definitely a big night, but I needed it. I was in a bad place.

Your biggest regret?
The last time was in South Africa in the world ISA games. I was in a heat with a Brazilian friend.  He was in third and I was leading but I burned him. I don’t know why.  I was going to win anyway but he could have come second.

Have you ever stolen anything?
I was just at the airport and I stole the pen from the lady I was lying too. I just forgot to give it back. I feel really bad but she deserves it for charging me for my boards.

What was your most horrific sexual performance?
It was my first time when I was fifteen. She was really fat and ugly. I was trying to get someone all night and I just couldn’t.  Then I saw her at the last minute when the club was about to close.  She was so ugly so I thought it would be easy. Why not? I looked around, nobody was watching so I got out of there with her. I did really badly but she was ugly so it doesn’t matter.

Your best sexual performance?
Every night is always the best.  No, I’m lying. The last time I had sex was a month ago. I was going at it hard.

Brazil can sometimes be a dangerous place. What is the craziest most violent thing you have ever seen?
About a year ago there was a war in Rio.  The city is set up in a strange way where all the gangs live in the favella up on a mountain.  During the war the gangs were just shooting down through the favella, just trying to kill everybody.  It was raining bullets.  That stuff happens pretty often.  The worst part of growing up in Brazil is the violence.

What is something that people don’t realize about you?
People often think I’m really quiet and shy. But with my friends I’m a different person. Once people get to know me I change. A lot of people don’t even know who I am.

What was the best part of growing up in Brazil?
The people are all so happy.  Everyone is always smiling and there is some kind of energy that I can’t find anywhere else.  It doesn’t matter if you’re in the worst restaurant in town, or the best restaurant, people are always smiling.  The people there love life.

Neco Padaratz got busted for steroid use. Have you seen performance enhancing drugs much in surfing?

Neco had a lot of problems and he thought using Steroids would help him. I don’t understand why he did it, but for me I would never touch them.   It is really bad for the sport.  Everybody has got to be equal so we are all on the same level. No way would I ever touch them.

Where is your favourite place to masturbate?
Whenever I’m in Indonesia. On the boat with no chicks for like twenty days, yeah I do it a lot when I’m in Indo.  It’s all good.

Is there anything in your life that could have stopped you from getting where you are today?
I think my family, but they support me to follow my dreams. I’ve pretty much forgotten everything else in life; I just want to be world champion.

From Method 10.3

Yesterday I awoke from a après-music-jiving, schnapps-skolling, dance floor pash but ultimately fruitless night. With my mouth drier than a post-menopausal nun’s fallopian tubes and balls bluer than a smurf under UV light, I raised my head to see if Ullr would allow me to get waist deep today after not getting deep into anything the night before.    It was a grayish, overcast morning with fat flakes of snow falling heavily from the heavens. Cracks of sunlight reached down in the distance, signalling that a little exploration could reap dividends oh-so-sweet. I trekked to the gondola and made my way to a gully that looked promising. Sure enough, the trees provided the visibility needed and as I strapped in I knew I’d made the right decision.

Deciding whether or not to set up your life in the city of mountains is probably the single greatest decision you will ever have to make – babies, choosing who to marry and mortgages all pale in comparison. It will influence the quality of women you bed, how much green you bank and, most importantly, how much shredding you’ll partake in.  Growing up in the urban jungle ain’t all bad. There is always some banging nightlife to sample, art scenes to partake in, fashion to wear and a general atmosphere of excitement. Problem is, once you’ve drank from the fountain of shred, all this becomes somewhat irrelevant. Snowboarding, like sex, is one of those things you’ve just got to have. All the gigs, good drugs, art shows and frivolity in the world cannot keep you from it.

Sure, maybe some lucky city kids can hit street rails, but can anyone honestly say that this is on par with shralping fresh pow? “You can’t compare the two, they’re different,” cry the urban die-hards. Blah-fucking-blah. Anyone who would seriously rather hike a set of stairs over untracked lines is a self-deluded, lying motherfucker. But I digress.

So you taste the sweet flavors of lady snowboard, quit the rat race and move in with the seductive bitch. Life on the mountain offers up tasty shredding, but the nightlife and culture and are generally sub-par. Sure, winter is a fun time in the big resorts, but every après- session is the same, the DJ rarely alternates his playlist and culture and fashion are almost nonexistent. Additionally, resorts are incestuous dens of STD’s, with a small town mentality that thrives on gossip. However, one factor alleviates all this – the fact you can ride the goodness every day.

It seems for both mountain folk and city slickers that the grass is always greener on the other side, but consider this: snowboarders that are born in the mountains generally yearn to escape the small town feel and flee to the big smoke. They always return.    Snowboarders who grow up in the city and flee to the mountains never look back.

Taken from Stab Issue 38

The last dream you remember?

I have the gnarliest dreams every night. I always have dreams about Plane crashes.  I can see everyone dying and freaking out.  Its real heavy and I wake up shitting myself.

A talent you wish you possessed?

Julian Wilson’s looks and his ability to make chicks cream themselves.  Let’s not talk about the fact he is wasting it.

The last impure thoughts you had?

We are standing on a fucking beach in France during summer.  I reckon I’ve seen fifty of the hottest rigs ever in my life today. I could not even tell you how many impure thoughts have gone through my head in the last two hours.

The last nightmare you remember?

Fucking plane crashes.  I have them all the time and its getting pretty weird.

The worst insult you’ve received?

There is too many, but the short hairy one cuts me pretty deep every time.  There is nothing much you can do about being short and hairy.

Motto to live your life by?

I can’t do it, but a good one is to take every opportunity that is presented to you – Especially in the form of ladies.  I just spent some time with Paul Fisher in the states.  The shit that kid does with chicks, I wish I could do that.  So many chicks to take down but you don’t talk to them because you are too scared.

The person you most respect?

My dad.  He taught me all sorts of shit.  He is a legend.  He’s been through all sorts of good times and bad times but he still keeps his head on his shoulders.

What do you dislike about yourself?

There’s a lot of stuff. I don’t know, I don’t really think about it until someone insults me.

The most obscure Idea you have had?

Me and Kai were going to start a porn production company.  It was totally serious and we were going to make it happen.  My porn name was going to be ‘Seth Moneymaker’.  We were fully thinking about doing it and trying to figure out to hit up chicks to get involved.  We thought we’d get fully rich, but it never eventuated.

The worst event in the history of the world?

Probably the holocaust.  It didn’t seem like a very fun time.

I’m dead inside.  A soul destroying job and a failed relationship have built me a coffin of depression.  Bleak hopelessness reigns supreme and I can’t remember when I last smiled.  I sit at my cubicle with a tie strangling the life out of me and dissect El Salvador on Google Maps.  Escapism is the answer…

Fast forward two months and I’m in the thick of it.  Car sold. Job quit. Hell escaped and running.  Reggaetón music blares out of makeshift street stalls and pulsates through my ears.   A stifling humidity causes me to bleed sweat and bakes garbage overflowing from insufficient rusted bins. Even my Marlboros can’t mask the smell.  Disinterested guards dressed in shabby khakis brandish M16s on street corners.  This is meant to be a safe part of town.  Blocks away ruthless Mara Salvatrucha gangs shoot first and ask questions later.

I feel anxious and vulnerable standing on the bustling street trying to blend in.  I reassure myself that this is what travel is all about: uncertainty and alienation fought with dreams of a destination.  And whatever is available at the local pharmacy.

A decaying colourful American style school bus pulls up.  My boards are loaded atop half heartedly by a nonchalant young boy and I wince.  Protest is not an option as the bus is already pulling away into the smog filled chaotic gridlock.  The crinkly nun next to me with green eyes offers a toothless grin.  Conversation ensues and Maria assures me that El Salvador is the safest country in Central America.  She then concludes by telling me someone was shot on this same bus route last week.  “Loco”, she mutters.  I pray to the flamboyant Virgin Mary statue on the dashboard.  I haven’t prayed since high school.

I step off the bus and am immediately accosted by Javier, a wiry teen dressed in oversize Quiksilver shorts with sun bleached hair.  His cheery disposition and knowledge of Australian surfers sets me at ease.  He will be my guide.  As we set off for a cheap room he chatters incessantly as if on crack.  Meanwhile dishevelled looking men with sunken eyes glare at me.  They are most certainly on crack.  There are no gun toting guards here.  Welcome to La Libertad reads a sign.

We quickly jog past a cemetery and a foreboding sign telling Gringos to go home.  A Mangy three legged dog snarls from under a palm and Javier assures me it won’t attack. I’m not convinced and accelerate my pace.  Shimmering in the Salvadorian sun I see lines of impeccable waves wrapping around the point.  I paddle out and take my place alongside a dozen or so other leathery skinned foreigners.  Words aren’t required and solemn nods are exchanged.  We are all running from something: responsibility, the law, or in my case, sadness.  The last rays of sunshine are hitting the glassy Pacific and reflecting in my eyes.  More lumps of dark water are on the horizon hurtling toward us.  I’m smiling to myself.

The last Time you lied?

I’m quite honest. (smirks)

The thing you are most ashamed of?

When my dog humps visitors that come by. Pretty embarrassing.

The ugliest female you’ve shacked up with?

Shit…I dunno. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 6 years. I’m pretty good.

The most inebriated you’ve been?

One time when I was pretty young I was on a boat trip with Andy, Shane Dorian, Mick and a couple of other dudes. It was a pretty crazy trip for me. I was super young, like 16 and I had only drunk like 5 times total in my life.  We drank all day, shit I don’t even remember.  We ended up doing Karaoke at the Boom Benang Club.  I went to the bathroom to take a shit and suddenly just started throwing up.  I pretty much threw up the whole next day until we got to Singapore.  Then we started drinking again and I was feeling alright.

The most horrific thing ever done to a lady?

I dunno.  Yeah I’m usually a pretty nice guy. I’m always surprised by how ruthless with chicks some of the guys I travel with are.

Your Biggest Regret?

I don’t regret much.

The last Thing you stole?

When I was kid sure I stole a lot of stuff. (smirks)

The last time you stabbed someone in the back?

I’m pretty clean

Most horrific sexual performance?

First time. Nah actually first fifty times.

The Last time laughed you someone else’s misfortune?

On my last trip with Yadin we were making a whole bunch of ‘what would you rather’ jokes about a certain girl who is horribly ugly.  I can’t talk about it though.  I’ve already said too much.

Aaron Bittner has been hovering on radar for some time but this season the Salt Lake City kid with the ill style is slated to blow the mutha fucker apart. Believe the hype.

Bittner leads the charge in an era where ugly hucked spins are getting lamer and style is reclaiming its rightful throne.  Whether he be blasting the black country, slaying gnarly cheese graters or sessioning the park – it all just oozes with ease.

Chilled demeanours usually make for effortless style and anyone that has met Bittner knows he is more relaxed than a Rasta on valium.  Watching him stomp lofty spins, you’ve got to ask yourself how he makes the shit look so ridiculously easy.

After spending summer at the COC and chasing blanco goodness in Argentina, Bittner is coming soon to a resort near you, capitalizing on what was his “busiest ever” season last year.  You can see the spoils of his banger last season in the all new flick “Videograss” – A film that puts the fun (and rock n roll) back into riding.

Bittner sights Bjorn Leines and MFM as influences and this is evidenced by his smooth flow and balls to wall commitment.  Growing up shredding snowbird it is no wonder that Bittner is a powder performer extradinaire. Add gnarlbro street rail steeze to the mix and you’ve one of the Morman stronghold’s finest prospects.
He’s like, so totally hot right now.

Method 10.1 – My first issue as a ‘Staff Writer’.

OVER IT

“Sir, you need to pay 150 pounds for your snowboard, it is airline policy”, says a check in attendant reminiscent of Jabba the Hut, at the desk in Gatwick Airport.

“You can either pay or leave them here”, she proposes smugly.

In my head I am playing through a scenario of the check in bitch finally making her maiden voyage with the leagues glamorous flight attendants aboard the plane. Her lifelong goals of international jet setting finally realized. She is walking down the aisle smiling, offering nuts and pint sized cans to the passengers. Suddenly an angry C4 packing sand nigger jumps up and punctures her saggy abdomen furiously before slitting her throat from ear to ear. “Allah Allah Allah”, he screams, as crimson red blood splays out onto the terrified passengers.

The line begins to swell behind me and the crowd rustles impatiently. I pay.

I rock up to customs, hoping that the will let me leave my sticker covered Macbook in its trendy neoprene cover inside my backpack. They do not. To make matters worse my tiny backpack has been expertly packed with surgeon’s precision. Once opened, it is harder to repack than it is to jam one in a virgin schoolgirl.

I buy a free trade organic mango drink. They must have spliced the mangos with the DNA of white rhinos because the cashier asks me for five quid.

Luckily Sylvia, the cashier, is a stone cold fox. Her slavic accent is tres sexy and indicates she has recently arrived from one of the Baltic states – ready to take on big bad world with her perfect cheekbones, milky complexion and tight little arse. Working at the food hall in Gatwick Airport is probably just a precursor to her bigger things. Either that or she’ll join her compatriots in an illegal brothel down town, servicing the needs of London’s burgeoning criminal underworld. “I could save her”, I think to myself as I fumble through my travel wallet. Thoughts of saving her then develop into thoughts of taking her out the back and watching her wrap her glistening lips around my hymen snapping cum gun. I am a creep.

The plane finally boards and I stuff my backpack into the overhead alongside the belongings of some Polo sporting square jawed Dolph Lundren lookalike. He totally wants to fuck me.

“Salut” he says

I hit him back with an extreme sports “Yo”.

The blond Air Hostess is gorgeous. I muse over which positions would be most conducive to me getting her off in the aeroplane lavatory as the plane hurtles into the grey London skies and heads due south over the channel.

I sit alongside two beasts from America. They are ugly. One of them has donned a baggy beige Harvard sweater. They are horrific but we still make small talk. They ask for my Facebook. I give it to them. I won’t accept their friend requests.

The food cart comes around and I order a bacon baguette. It is made of rubber and grease. I eat half and stuff it into the seat in front of me, ready for the immigrant cleaners to deal with after touchdown.

“Thank you for flying Ryanair, auf wiedersehen”, says my imaginary Airhost playmate as we trundle off the plane at Innsbruck Airport. I smile whilst pulling out and climaxing on her face in my mind.

I exit the sliding doors to be smacked in the face by a bitter cold whilst golf ball sized snowflakes pelt down.  I light up a duty free Marlboro and simultaneously suck up ambience and cancer. St Anton is but hours away.  From hell to heaven

- I have arrived.

http://shackmag.com